I have been trying to process a lot of heavy things that I’ve been carrying for so many years recently. Trauma. I find it hard to even say that word and associate it with myself. So many things I just don’t want believe about myself. Reality. Being honest and really seeing and admitting to my truths is just a first step. Grief is not something I had considered in this context. But it is something that I feel is right there, under the surface, waiting to be set free.
The disconnect of my feelings and emotions between my mind and my body can be oh so uncomfortable at times. I recently had an epiphany of sorts relating to this connection. I have had chronic pain for quite a few years now from arthritis in my hips, shoulders, hands and back. I’ve learned how to accept a certain pain level and shut down those feelings of pain. So for someone like me, how do I reconnect my brain and body and not return to intolerable pain levels? Have I shut it all down even prior to this depression? There’s has to be an answer for people like me. I need a different approach than the norm.
The search continues. Lack of connection within self. More questions. Few answers. I’m not unhappy about it. At least I keep asking questions. Someday they'll all be answered.
Started on 3-8 finished 3-19-23
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