When Hate Lives Nextdoor
I wanted to write a post on the 4th of July but I haven’t been feeling very festive. What’s going on here in the United States is so difficult to watch. Racism, bigotry and hate out in the open. People being grabbed off the street for the color of their skin. Blatant lying from our government officials. Groups of people being denied their existence. No one seems truly safe. It all gets to be hard to take.
I know I’m not the only one. My neighborhood was built in the 70s. Lower middle class. It’s very diverse here with many immigrants. I have lived here almost 40 years now and this year is like no other. It’s frighteningly quiet.
It’s summer right now here. My pool is at the perfect temperature for my enjoyment. I am taking full advantage of it but it’s sad to be out there when it’s so silent. I don’t hear any families enjoying their pool, barbecuing, doing karaoke, playing music, laughing, and having fun. Even the fireworks were scarce. It feels like everyone is scared, hiding inside their homes.
I get it. In such a short time this USA that I was born and raised in has changed in to something I don’t recognize. The amount of cruelty being shown against people that is a daily occurrence is truly unbelievable.
I recently called someone I know and had a conversation about purchasing a handgun. Me, in my 60s thinking about getting a gun is not something that had ever crossed my mind. But I’m scared too.
I’m thankful I am white but I am alone and really would have no way to protect myself if anyone wanted to cause harm. I’m not in good health and physically it wouldn’t take much to overtake me. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet about a gun but I’m so surprised to be having these thoughts and for a good reason. Who could’ve predicted how this administration would be behaving.
As I was sitting in my outdoor rocking chair on Friday evening, I began to listen to my neighbors. That house I refer to as a bachelor pad as it’s some young white guys with women in and out. This morning there were 7 vehicles attached to their house. They drive big ass trucks or SUVs.
So this young man says “you know, I love rainbows and not the kind in the sky but the gay ones. They all laugh. And then he starts talking about cats and I very quickly realize he’s talking about me. At first I chuckled at the rainbow reference. I recently bought some new tye dyed night shirts that I’d been wearing and I’m sure he saw me in one. To be labeled as gay because you wear bright tye dye gives me a huge red hat warning shall I say.
This young man went on to totally destroy me, calling me white trash, trailer trash, crazy cat lady, a bitch. He criticized and trashed my landscaping and my house maintenance, everything he could think of. I’m not going to record every ugly word he said about me but I was really surprised as not one person from that house has ever spoken one word to me, ever. They don’t know anything about me but that didn’t matter. And then I heard one whisper, they must’ve realized I was outside as the one that had been spewing the hate said fuck her and they all went back inside to hide.
MAGAts living right next door. It took me aback. Of course I was pissed to sit and listen to some young MAGA punk spew so much hate towards me. And it hurt a bit being judged by a complete stranger on nothing more than what his eyes viewed. I wanted to say fuck you too MAGAt and much more but thankfully my common sense knew to zip the lips.
It's moments like that that make me realize how I really don’t have much in the way of defense for myself. I need to not let my words get me into any situations that jeopardize my safety. This loud proud independent Aries old woman just needs to not engage. It takes too much energy. It’s safer that way. It’s still hard not to want to.
Not going to lie. Hearing my neighbors views about me is a plus in the yes get a gun bucket. Still at the thinking it all through stage as it’s so far out of my normal.
What makes this even more challenging for me is the external world is becoming as harsh as my internal world. Where do I find a break?
7.13.25
The picture at the top of this post was taken this month at Kilauea, Hawaii volcano. This photographer loves the heart shape eruptions. Such a powerful picture in so many ways ♥️
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