My BBF…Big Brother Forever
This week is my oldest brother’s birthday. He would’ve been 72 but 21 years ago next week and one week after his 51st birthday, he passed away from the side effects of chemotherapy for Lymphoma. It’s hard to believe it’s been so long ago as so many things still so clear in my mind, like they just happened yesterday.
We didn’t really get to know each other or become close until I was in my 20s. While his presence and brotherly support in my life was short in time considering the big picture, it was much needed, welcomed, and very powerful.
I call him my BBF…big brother forever. He became my best friend, confidant, and support system. I could not be more blessed to have had the relationship we forged; it simply was ended way too early. There has been nothing to come close to what we had. No replacement.
I’m trying to not let my feelings of loss and grief overwhelm me this year but instead remember and honor the brother, the man, the friend he was. I decided to make this post a tribute to our relationship and memorialize a day we spent together; one that made us both almost pee our pants every time we shared it with others.
My brother purchased his first home and moved close to me for the last 5 years of his life. Before that we got to know each other by his yearly vacation to visit me. Depending, he would bring his husband or come alone. He started to love this state and would choose a few things he wanted to see and do on his vacation. I would always make sure to take time off to be able to go with and spend time.
This particular trip he wanted to visit The Biosphere 2. https://biosphere2.org/ This was during the first experiment when a full crew was living inside. I had not been there and so we were both looking forward to the trip.
He decided he wanted to drive and I’m always fine being the passenger, so we set off in my Ford Grand Torino for a 2 hour drive to our destination. When getting off for our first exit, the car was behaving strange and started smoking. We pulled into the nearest garage and it was then we realized he had been driving in second gear all those miles at freeway speeds. Oh shit was heard simultaneously!
When the mechanics heard our story they grinned at us. When the hood was opened, the entire engine and compartment were filled with oil as the wrong gear had caused high engine pressure and allowed the oil leak. The mechanics were super nice but I’m sure laughing at us.
They told us to go 3 blocks to a car wash and use pressure wash and get as much of the oil off as we could and then come back. They even showed us where not to get wet on the engine. My car still had a carburetor. Off we went, washed the engine the best we could and headed back to the garage.
The mechanics refilled the oil and test drove to check for leaks. There were none and they assured us everything would be fine with my car but it would take a bit for all that oil to burn. That meant it was pretty smoky for the day. We asked if we should return home and they said they saw no reason to not go ahead with our plans to visit Biosphere 2. Off we went.
We had a good time touring and learning all about it. We then headed back to my house. I decided to take a back route so we could stop every 20 minutes and check for oil leaks. Paranoid of course! Smoking yes. Leaking oil no. Yay!
When we arrived back in town we were both hungry. He loved the sourdough burgers from Jack in the Box as those weren’t available where he lived. We pulled into to the drive thru and placed our orders.
As we pulled forward, my car was smoking like a sonofabitch! A cloud of smoke enveloped us and because we had mostly been driving since it happened, we had no idea just how bad the smoke was and we started to laugh. As we pulled up and the young man came to the window, all the smoke started sucking right into the store. I roll down my car window and he says to me “ma’am do know your car is smoking”? We both started laughing harder. I replied yes thanks, I have an oil leak (obvious understatement of the year LOL)
I roll my window back up so we don’t get any smoke but the employees at this Jack didn’t close their window and soon all the people inside the store, employees and customers, were coughing from the smoke. We are rolling with laughter inside the car, my brother says I hope we get our food soon before they are all over come by the smoke. He said we would be reading the paper about them becoming sick or passing out from exposure to the smoke, maybe hear the emergency vehicles arriving as we left. LMFAO! He’s killing me……
By this time we are both dying with laughter as not one employee thought to close that window. They just allowed all that smoke to accumulate inside. We both wondered what kind of qualifications it took to work there….no mean intentions, just laughter about how just closing the window would have prevented the whole incident. I’ll just be thankful for that young man not closing it and for giving me such a fun, funny memory of this day I spent with my brother. We got the the hell out of there with our food in hand and laughed for hours afterwards,
We told the story many times to friends and family. I’m not sure if anyone else ever thought it was as funny as we did but then they weren’t there. Retelling and sharing was always good with us. One little slip of a gear made our entire day into an adventure of a lifetime. One I’ll never forget and I’m sure he doesn’t either. Forever our memory, brother and sister sharing time and having fun,
A few years after he died, I wanted to get a tattoo to honor his memory. This day came to mind as what could be better than this memory, this trip turned adventure, this fun and laughter to have with me forever. I told this story to my tattoo artist and granted him creative expression to make a unique and personal tattoo for me.
It took 18 hours which I did in 3 different sittings; it’s a full lower leg/calf. There’s no denying that getting a tattoo is painful but I always loved tattoos and I have a few. I didn’t mind any of these sittings. Each of mine tells a story of something in my life that was important. I have others but always have kept them in places where when dressing professionally, they wouldn’t show. Back in my day tattoos weren’t nearly as mainstream as they are now.
Here is my leg in four different sections. I did my best taking these pictures of my leg and hope you can see it well. Remember you can click on any picture on this blog to view it clearer and larger.
In the first photo you will see it starts with a window with smoke coming out and then you see a Jack In The Box with a gas mask on and holding a cheeseburger, the second picture the smoke fades into the depiction of the Biosphere 2. Below you can see one the pictures of B2 that we used for reference. (See it’s really not a penis 😂)
I love how it came out. I get many comments on it even though I know people don’t have a clue what it is but the art is fantastic, courtesy of https://www.adriandominic.com/ It’s a very personal tattoo that I’m proud to wear, to have that with me everyday but the story doesn’t end there.
About 6 years ago I decided I wanted to add to my tribute. I went in with the idea of having something to represent eternal life and wanted to combine two different elements, a skull and the Eye of Ra. Again I gave AD creative expression as I so love his work. Here is what came out of this collaboration. This is located on my thigh above the leg sleeve.
One great thing for me is how my skin takes the ink so well. My guy commented so many times about how color just loves my skin. I talked him into that purple as he told me for most people this purple usually looks more like gray. We both enjoyed how the color came on this one too! I have taken good care of all my tattoos, being diligent with sunscreen and moisturizer, and the colors are still very vibrant.
As I was taking these pictures with writing this post in mind, I noticed something about this tattoo. I have had this on my leg for six years and many have seen it but not one person ever noticed or commented on this. While I do still love it I realized something about it I had never seen before, an “error”. While the broken apart skull is fantastic, the Eye of Ra is not the Eye of Ra, but instead the Eye of Horus. Ra is the right eye and Horus is the left and I had hoped to get Horus on my left side to match Ra. They have different meanings.
I had quite the chuckle the other day when I saw it. In some ways, it’s so perfect for the add on to my BBF tribute. Another adventure with a suprise to laugh about! Apparently Horus wants to be on this leg too as it would work on the back of my thigh. At age 66 yes, I am still considering adding to my collection.
Happy Birthday my big brother. I love and miss you every day. Your actual presence here is so missed but you are always in my heart. I hope you’re having the time of your life. I know you’re watching and would still say how proud you are of me.
Love you ♥️. Gone too soon. Always in my heart❣️
I am happy to share this here on my blog for all to see. Permanently on the internet. Permanently on my leg and in my heart and mind!
7.28.25
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