To Bee or Not to Bee

To Bee Or Not to Bee

 This is how I’ve spent my last 6 days. Itchy, scratchy, painfully miserable. I have been in a full body break out rash. When I say full body I mean no part of me on the outside was unaffected- eyelids, fingers, feet, you name it and there was a rash. I was completely covered. There’s been no escape from it. 

This all started when I apparently stirred up some bees while raking some leaves up in my yard. Before I knew it at least a dozen were on me and attacking. My choice was to jump in my pool which luckily isn’t too cold this time of year as it’s swim season. I know they tell you that’s not a good strategy but I am unable to run so way I could out run them. I found 4 drowned in the pool and I had wait and keep swatting as I’d surface for air but they eventually all were gone. 

My stings were all on my back. I know I had at least 5 attack and sting but what happened to me next was so unexpected. A few hours after the attack I started breaking out in a rash. I wasn’t too concerned but it kept getting worse.

By Thursday I could barely stand it. I talked with my PCP who called in some meds. When I woke up Friday it’s was at its worst. I tried everything I could think of to find some relief but it was a huge challenge. Battling with depression and trauma doesn’t give much space for added ailments but like every other shitty thing that happens to me, I just have to deal with it as my only true option to rid myself of it all is to die.

This my actual arm and leg on Thursday. It got worse Friday and Saturday. Today I’m happy to report that the rash is less angry and my skin is peeling en mass. I’m hopeful that it’s headed in the direction of healing and not resetting for another go around. I’m already on the edge. 

In IFS they say there’s no bad parts. I like to call them challenging and not so challenging. This is definitely extra. I believe strongly and understand the mind/body connection. I’m quite sure that my current mental health challenges are involved with the severity of some of my health issues. Am I causing these issues? I don’t believe I am creating but I do know my mental status can be very unhelpful during any of my episodes of unwellness and can make them more intense. 

The best I can say about this histamine attack is it kept my mind in a different space but this definitely isn’t helpful to restore my connections with my body. Having to deal with the effects of such a large amount of histamine being released is something I don’t wish on anyone. 

Just another fucked up thing to add to my story. Like I really needed this one. Trying to find something to be thankful for today that I can believe so here it is:

I’m thankful for the beautiful cloudy rainy day we are having here today. The lower temperatures  make my skin a tiny bit happier. I’ll take it. A 1% improvement is always better than zero! 

What else is this old woman to do? Dr. Donna and Numb Helga making a house call tonight! 

Hanging in and holding on. Be safe out there.

Me, mySelf and I

6.1.25