Too Big

 Big

I’m still here, still struggling to figure things out. Lately life has seemed so big, too big. I made the mistake of allowing all of my parts to gather together to be seen. It was overwhelming. All I could see was how much I have going on that needs updating. It was way too much at once. No wonder I feel discouraged.

Imagine being overwhelmed by your own internal system. Mine is so large I just can’t take it all in at once. It’s not helpful. I could see my entire life all right there, the pain, the shame, the guilt, the grief, the losses, all my wounds and then all their friends, the parts trying to protect. 

I start to doubt everything. I don’t trust myself and I’ll look to change something- focus or direction- which is part of my avoidance that I’m so attached to. I’m also going places I’ve never been out loud. Just another reason to avoid. Being aware doesn’t always keep me on track. 

Keep it small. I need to listen to myself there. I know that my internal system is large but no need to have it all going on at once. Nothing will get accomplished if I try to take it all on. I say it again- Keep it small!

Still here. Still trying. I’ll take that today.

6.29.25