After 133 days (19 weeks) I saw my therapist today. Anxious. Yes. Concerned. Yes. Grateful. Yes. Happy. Yes. I was surprised at how easy it was. I had expected more resistance from myself but there wasn’t a need. It doesn’t seem like too much repair will be necessary. We both came back as different people but it still felt pretty comfortable.
Navigating maternity leave. Not something I want to do again in the near future or ever: keeping it real. I just need a better plan in place. Better plan...haha...how about having an actual plan. That is being more honest. I am pretty discouraged with others right now. I will need to really put some thought into this.
I truly thought I could just take a break. I had convinced myself that it would be fine. Never one to shy away from admitting my mistakes, boy was I wrong on this one. The very first weeks I was panicky. I was in a type of withdrawal. It was difficult and confusing to go from having such an outlet to having nothing. I wrote pages and pages in several different journals those first few weeks.
Of course I missed the feedback and knowledge but what I missed the most was the safe space that took many months and a lot of work to build. I hope it still exists. I have so much more I need to share. It's been quite the 133 days.
2-28-23
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