Depression. Fucking depression. It’s hard to find words when you’re stuck in the shit. I want to feel but it’s too much and then I run, as far away as I can, sometimes right out of my mind. But I can never get far enough away and it eventually all comes right back. To start over.
It’s 1 PM and my next stop is back to bed. Not common for me at this hour. It’s such a strong pull today and I’m not sure why. Puzzled. But I am going to honor it. I am still wondering if this brain of mine is deceiving me in some way. Or maybe it will help.
You think things are level and managing and then BOOM…..I wish I had an answer for why I keep finding myself here. At least today I’m not in the basement or too close to the edge. Still trying to find good in it all.
Don’t trust my Self or myself. Jumbled thoughts. Over loaded. No resolution. Need a glimmer. I’ll even take a spark. Small things can loom large.
Alone with my thoughts
11.22.24
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