I have not been here for more than a year but today I have no other place to go. So here I am. Sad when it’s the only place you have to go and you know no one is here. No this isn’t a pity party, it’s a reality check. I’m feeling overwhelmed by I don’t get it. Still in a foggy dark cloud. WTF is the matter with people?
I’ve written so much about how painful people are for me. And so it continues. Misfit. I never have fit anywhere. Almost, but then it seems some quirk or some trauma response comes out and I’m the problem. I hold boundaries and advocate for myself and then I’m the problem. It hurts to be told you’re always welcome, you’re family, and then POOF 💨 you’re not, because you’re the problem. Discouraging to keep trying to make connections and then they go away or are taken away. People suck. Why do I fight so hard, try so hard. Fuck relationships.
Feeling lonely for the first time in awhile. I usually don’t mind being alone but it’s different right now. Low on options. That’s an understatement- trying to fool myself.
VOID. Truth
11.13.24
Update 11.21.24
Funny thing happened….not actually first choice wanted but certainly call when they need. And I still respond; unsure if it was a good thing yet.
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