Resourcing and Safety

 Resourcing and Safety

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My Happy Place

The depression roller coaster sucks especially when riding those low and dark times but I am aware of it and have taken measures to try to keep myself safe during those times. The biggest thing is avoiding any big or permanent decisions when I’m in it. 

The last few weeks have been challenging but the little ray of light, my appeal win for myself, lifted me enough to make some movement towards being able to resource. Resourcing for me is doing things to help me feel safe and secure. 

Water has always been huge for me. I’ve been a swimmer since I was 4 years old. It’s the best container I have for myself. I feel so safe and comfortable in the water. It’s great for my body as it suspends and relives my pains and being an Aries, it cools me off in so many different ways! 

I’m fortunate enough to live in a warm climate and have a swimming pool. It’s not year round but May thru Sept I can enjoy the pool all day and night if I want. Pool season is something I look forward to the start and dread the end as I so miss the water when it’s cold. Sorry but cold plunges just aren’t my thing.

Three years ago during my colder weather, I discovered float tanks here locally. Also called isolation tanks or sensory deprivation tanks. The idea is the acronym REST- Restricted Environmental Stimulation Therapy. You’re in a sound proof container with about 10 inches of epson salt saturated water that helps with buoyancy. Sound and light are available but optional at the place I go. There are lots of different reported benefits to floating. Stress and pain reduction are just two of many that I go for. 

I really enjoy my time in the tank. My issue is getting there. My current struggles with avoiding encounters with people plays a big part. My desire to be there has to overcome whatever story my depression brain might be telling me in order for me to go. I’m always happy when I can get there. I can only do my best. 

Yesterday was another win for me as I was able to go float. I actually did a double nice as I used the vibe table the first hour and floated the second. More on that vibe table later. The float was fantastic as usual. 

I always float in the dark and most often in silence. It’s so great to enjoy the different states I’m able to take myself in to while in the tank. When I went last month I hadn’t been for a while. The reaction from my body was so surprising. It was like fulfilling a craving with so much good energy just pulsating thru my body. My entire being was smiling and I was asleep in the tank in about 7 minutes. I allowed myself to fully take in and experience what I’m calling my body showing joy for getting what it needed. I don’t listen to it often enough. I laughed at myself as I realize the only times I hear my body is when it is hurting or having an orgasm. 

I am able to fall asleep in the tank but my favorite state is going  to the level of just being on the edge of consciousness, where my body and the water are one with each other. I’m not really aware I’m in water, just feeling comfortably afloat and weightless. When I am here, my mind is still busy but calm and clear; fully able to process whatever is needed. Water takes my fears away. 

Some claim types of psychedelic or psychotic states. I can see this in very deep states in the tank especially for long periods of time. There’s an option to go 3 hours at the place I float. I tried it once and just past 2 hours I became a bit restless and had to add some music for stimulus. For me, an hour is enough most times. There are lots of older studies military and other done in sensory deprivation tanks but these days it’s all about wellness. 

As much as I enjoy the tank, it still is a part of my struggles to take care of myself, find safety and security amongst connections of all types. I try my best. I go when I’m able and try to not put pressure on myself as it’s not helpful. Hard to not want to force at times but listening to my whole Self is crucial as powering through so much in my life is what got me here today. 

Resources. Safety. I’m building my list as I need more things I can do for myself, my Self. Water is my number one. I have another resource I found to add more water to my list, but not able to get there to try it out yet. Still working on that.  

Less and softer is better than more and harder. 

ISO Day 12. Alone. A little lighter today. I’ll take it. 

1.11.25