Recovering

Recovering

 My capacity is to function vey well is still pretty low. I will take my time to figure out what will help me. Not only to move forward but to protect myself from too much more let down. Being blind sided never feels good when I truly realize the full impact of it all. Abandonment hurts. Period. 

As much as I hate the words resilience and strength, I know them well and hope they will serve me appropriately at this time. I know Castle has awakened and the doors are again tightly sealed trying desperately to keep us from sinking back into to deep dark hole of secrets, where guilt and shame rule. 

Spent the last few days trying our best avoidance but I can only ignore myself for so long as it’s hard to escape your Self. Some days are diamonds, some days are gold. One is hard and sharp and the other is cold. 

My physical health still needs time to even get back to more stability. Hydration is almost caught up and hoping nutrition falls into place next. So draining on my body, my mind, my soul. 

For now we will use everything our system has to get us to the next. Soul Survivor is very strong. Still lots of options to consider. 

I’m down trying to recover enough to get up. Keep kicking me if you need. Maybe it’s the only way I can feel. Sabotage. 

ISO Day 6. Alone. Hurting. Sad. Discouraged. Tired. Most of all tired today.