Do What It Takes

Do What It Takes 

What am I waiting for? Am I using it as an excuse? A couple of questions I ask myself and have answers. I’m waiting for help. I know I need it as I’ve not been able to create the change on my own in all these years. The help was right there, but had to go away for a bit. All I can do is believe it returns and hope it’s still there.

 I’m ready as I’ve ever been but I don’t have all my answers. I need new input and guidance or I just stay stuck in the same places I’ve been for years. There’s a plan, a blueprint. So yes, I will wait. Options. 

An excuse. Yes. As something to hold on to. As a reason to do whatever it takes to make it thru my moments. Those times when it gets so dark and I can’t find the light and that’s when to choose to escape for a bit. Shall I really think of hope as an excuse? Acceptable excuses in my current lived world. 

Substance use. Yes. Notice I said use not abuse. Do I use other things along with cannabis. I do and freely admit it. I’m not quite ready to discuss those things here yet but it’s coming. I see nothing the matter with utilizing things to escape and also expand your mind. For me, both are needed. 

Addiction? Nah, I don’t think so at this point. Do I enjoy it? It’s some of the few things I can say is still fun.  Do I overindulge at times? Absolutely and unapologetically I will continue to do what I need to do to sustain myself and continue my journey. Harm reduction always. Self check is constant. 

Feels like one of those days. Chemical distraction or disassociation….eh. I can think of worse things I could be doing. Just too fucking old for most of them LOL. Gotta love the Spicy P. I can still laugh at myself. How about you? 

ISO Day 22. Here with Me. Myself. And I. Feeling so lost and out of place. Hanging out. Hanging In. Taking my mind on vacation for a bit but I’ll be back….

1.21.25