It’s A Day

 It’s a Day

So many thoughts whirling in my brain today. I’m definitely struggling just figuring out my days but today adds more on to it. Convoluted would be an excellent word for my thoughts and feelings on this Inauguration Day.

Hard. Sad. Disappointed. Discouraged. Fearful. Confused. Betrayed. Numb. SMH

 To each their own. I just can’t understand how hate and discrimination is excused and acceptable. I fear for the rights of all who aren’t white men as we all have much to lose. Some way more than others. It’s coming. 

I refuse to support hate, discrimination, anger, or meanness or anyone who supports those who do. There is not a pass for this in my world. To accept the name calling, bullying, and pure revenge is not the world I want to be a part of. You can’t take out the parts you don’t like and look aside. If you support, you take it all. You are just bullshitting yourself and others by pretending and riding that fence. 

I am very confused by you so called Christian’s supporting this behavior, and also judging others.This is the behavior that you want your children, grand children, and great grandchildren to children to model? The very first week you want to make some peoples existence illegal and lock people up because they’re wanting a better life? Not sure what God or Jesus you follow but the ones I learned about in the Bible are kind, loving, and accepting of all people and the only judge is God. Christianity does not justify this type of treatment of people in any way shape or form. Fuck you hypocrites! My heart is already sad just thinking about what’s to come. 

Some people call me cold or curt which I get. My depression can have me zombie like at times but also I’ve come to honor the parts of me that desire/require total honesty. I suppose blunt would be another good word. Some of it is my not wanting to waste time and another part is I want people to be honest with me. No matter what it is, I would much rather someone tell me the truth than lie. When you’re honest, even if I don’t like what you said I can process and move forward. When you lie, I lose trust so I never get over it and it alters our relationship. 

This works for me and I’m not going to make any excuses for my decisions for myself. I accept whatever that affects for me going forward. Being honest about my own self has been a huge step. I have to Be Authentic Me. I learned a lot more about some people I had around this past year. I’ll just say I’m thankful for the lessons; no matter how painful they have a place. 

I continue to find old and unwanted and slowly rid myself of some of this heavy load. Can’t build much new with so much old in the way. I’ll take that for a partial win. I’m hoping to find additions somewhere- it’s pretty busy yet empty in here. That’s a real challenge. 

I refuse to support the hate and discrimination and anyone who does. 

I battle enough of it internally. I can’t live in a world where it’s all I hear. 

ISO Day 21 Alone.Tired. Processing. Trying

It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve had any meaningful conversation with another human. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that no one but me, myself, and I, is just all there is right now. Why pretend. I’m hoping my therapist will return in a few weeks. Everyone else has let me down. It’s hard to hold myself. 

I read recently that as long as I keep doings things for myself, I haven’t give up. Hmmmm

1.20.25