2025

The Year is 2025

 It’s almost over this first month of 2025. Lunar New Year, the Year of the Snake, has arrived along with the New Moon in Aquarius. Soon it will be Imbolc, the festival of light. All these energies together are pointing towards clearing the old and making way for the new. I hear you. I feel you.

How apropos for my life right now. I have so much to clear and rid myself of. The massiveness of it all has been keeping me overwhelmed and unable to make any movement but there’s been a shift. I’m not sure how to describe it but I feel so ready to do the work, to try to make some changes that might allow for me to survive this all. 

I’m hoping that I will soon know if my help will return. I’m preparing like she will be coming back but it is still unknown if she will return. Of course I’m speaking about my therapist who is on maternity leave. I’ve really been missing her these last few weeks being alone and I’m not sure what I’ll do if she doesn’t return. No need to go there right now. 

Are my eggs all in one basket, in her basket? They kind of have to be as all the other therapists I’ve tried have been unsafe, unsecured, and have let me down in big ways. I don’t know that this will work out but I have to try, to explore all my options. Kind of disillusioned with how I’ve been treated by so many others but she’s always shown up and been there for me. Fingers crossed. 

So I am preparing. Preparing for this journey, this journey of my life that will hopefully take me through all of it and show me some answers, some truths, some ways out of the dark. I know what I have to face will challenge every single thing I think I know. That I will have to be completely honest and confront things I’ve never spoken about before. To be willing to be open to making real change- to release what no longer aligns with who I am, that no longer serves me in a beneficial way. I don’t know what I’ll find but if I don’t take this opportunity now, there won’t be another and I won’t make it. 

I’m still fighting…for my life. January is exhausting as it carries so much for me. The last 48 Januarys have been more than hard but  I’m about to get thru it once again by myself. Surviving is not even close to thriving. Can I find something different, something good, some joy? Hope often fades for me but I somehow manage to find some crumbs, blindly hoping it’s still being held for me out there. 

Such an assortment of thoughts and feelings this early morning. Waiting. Hoping. Hanging on to that glimmer, so maybe I can find a path that allows me to be free. Will you still help me? 

ISO Day 31. Me. Myself. I. It is what it is. Trying to have patience and faith too. 

1.30.25