Boundaries, Neighbors, The Christmas Music and The Driveway
I live in an urban area. I have owned my home for 38 years and have seen many changes in my neighborhood. It has went through times of disarray when it went mostly rentals but more and more the houses have again become lived in by owners.
I’ve had many different neighbors; good, bad, ugly and in between. Currently the ones on either side have been challenging in many ways. I have been feeling like most of my privacy has been invaded by their actions and have been trying to come up with ways to take some of my privacy back.
This week I managed to get some help and install a temporary fence between my yard and the south side neighbors. Why? The last person who purchased the house was a flipper, and he remodeled inside but he also made a driveway out front where there had never been one. This neighborhood has carports in the back, so this driveway created a problem for me as it ends right beside my master bedroom window. On their arrival home, the man with the loud truck would back in and almost scrape my house as he was that close and he would exit his truck and walk right into my yard looking straight into my bedroom window. He also has an automatic starter so he would start that truck up and leave it running for 10 minutes, at all hours, right beside my bedroom window. Loud music blaring. Head lights shining, they had no consideration for how it might be affecting me, parking within 2 feet of where I am sleeping in my bed.
While looking into solutions, I found this temporary fence on Amazon and hired a nice young man to come install it. He did a great job and he told me he thought it was a good idea. It’s 6 ft high and 12 ft long- a perfect size to give me some relief. Now they can only exit on their side and it seems like only one car will park there instead of the two that were there prior. I’m sure they didn’t care for it much but I am thrilled to have this small thing that restores some peace of mind for me. Hoping to make a more permanent fence in the future.
That’s one boundary for the south side neighbor. The next issue happened with my north side neighbors. I have never had any problems that I had to speak with them about. They are a nice hard working Hispanic family. They sometimes have parties and things going on but never that intrusive or anything I ever felt the need to complain about. This Christmas, that changed.
If you have been following my blog, you will know that I have a medical issue that often make me nauseous and vomiting for days. It comes on suddenly and I have zero control once it starts. I thought I had some relief from symptoms as it had not happened for many months. Howerever, in November and December I had 2 episodes that were at the top the worst I’ve gone through list. I described in some detail on my blog what that was like during my days after Christmas. A painful and difficult thing to keep going through.
What I didn’t say in that post was what was happening with my north side neighbors. They had the Christmas spirit, as did I. They decided to put up some outside decorations which I fully enjoy. What I didn’t care for was they also thought it would be a great idea to play Christmas music loudly outside. That wouldn’t have been a problem but THEY NEVER TURNED IT OFF! They started it on Christmas Eve.
I didn’t think much of it when it kept playing all day and all night on Christmas Day and then it was the 26th. It was still playing. My vomiting episode started that afternoon. I had to continue to hear the same damn 5 Christmas songs while I was puking my guts up. Jingle Bells, I Wish You a Merry Christmas, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, White Christmas, and Holly Jolly Christmas were playing on a loop over and over and over for 24 hours a day for days on end and not able to do anything about it during my episode.
Can you imagine yourself sicker than shit having to listen to “those fucking songs” again and again while puking your guts out?!!. Having to hear this over and over and over without any recourse was torturous to say the least. I finally was starting to feel better on Saturday night and planned what I could do in the morning to get that music off.
I put together a letter. I tried to be nice but I’m sure it wasn’t received that way. We have a noise ordinance in my city and I made a copy of it and told them that playing this 24 hours a day was not only inconsiderate but illegal and if the music wasn’t shut off by 11 PM, I would be calling the police. I wanted to say shut that fucking music off right now but I resisted. Still, I couldn’t understand why they thought the neighborhood wanted to hear those same songs over and over for the last 5 days without ever turning it off. I marched over there in my pajamas at 9AM and left my letter on their fence as their gate was locked and I couldn’t get to their door.
Within an hour , the music stopped. Finally! But for the next few days they made sure to play things loud during the daytime hours. I laughed because it had to be louder for them than it was for me and they have a young child. As long it’s quiet at night, I won’t say a word. I’m guessing most of the rest of my neighbors were glad I said something and they shut it down. I don’t know anyone, even one who feels great with lots of Christmas spirit, that wants to hear the same 5 songs for 5 days and 5 nights straight with no reprieve for sleeping. I am right next door, with the speaker pointing right at me, sick and awake for hours with those songs running a loop in my head. I could have told them I was sick but I didn’t feel it was their business and they shouldn’t be doing that regardless.
I get frustrated and somewhat angry that people have no regard for common consideration of their neighbors. I’m a quiet person and keep to myself. I don’t bother my neighbors and if I’m coming and going or have something going on, I make sure I am keeping the noise down to not disturb them. But I don’t see others doing the same anymore.
I don’t even know these neighbors names. One has been there a year, and the other around 10 years. They aren't very friendly and have made no attempt to get to know me. It seems this the way it works in the city anymore. We come and go and are oblivious to what is going on with anyone else until…. Makes me sad that it’s not really a neighborhood any longer, it’s just a place to live.
Luckily I still have one good neighbor across the street. The parents have both passed away now but the daughter is still there. They moved in 5 years after me but we have known each other since the beginning and we still help each other out when needed. I feel fortunate to have her as a neighbor friend. We look out for each other which is needed by us both as we live alone.
Boundaries aren’t easy but needed. These 2 instances were causing me such stress and worry but me standing up and finding a solution that worked for me feels good. I am always very considerate, even to strangers. But taking charge of what is helpful for me is just what I should be doing. No one else cares. Neither neighbor were bothered by what they were doing and they didn’t care if I was. I took back my power from them using some of my managers- protectors and firefighters alike.
Small things turn into big things. Can I keep finding these small things to improve my life? Time will tell.
ISO Day 32: In the past 32 days I’ve been around other people maybe a total 5 hours; 3 of it with someone I know and the rest were customer service people. 763 with me, myself, and I, alone with my cats. Connection and coregulation very scarce. Still here for now.
Is anybody out there? Goodbye January.
1.31.25
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