Habits and Addictions

Habits, Addictions and January 

The month of January is always a challenging month for me. There are several dates that have significance in my life including the one that altered my life forever; changing my path and dashing all hopes and dreams. It’s a hard one because even if I manage to not notice the date, my being always knows. 

I was reminded that I also have an anniversary of an accomplishment that I need to continue to celebrate . This month marks 21 years since I gave up smoking cigarettes. I was a 1-3 pack a day smoker of Benson and Hedges Menthol. The old menthol smoker cough and lungs. 

For 26 years I smoked heavily. I previously tried on several occasions to quit but was unsuccessful. I mostly chalk those failures up to the fact that I really wasn’t ready to quit nor was I serious enough to do it. In 2004 that all changed.

My brother had been sick with would eventually be diagnosed as Lymphoma. Cancer took him from this earth in Aug 2004 but not before he was able to see me quit smoking in January. 

 He gave me the extra motivation to get it done and I haven’t looked back. He had asked me if I would quit smoking as he could see the toll it had taken on me. I was really over weight, short of breath, my skin looked bad and my oxygenation was obviously poor. I was in poor health because of the smoking and I needed to make a change. Him asking me to quit to honor his health struggles made it a no brainer for me.

Quitting nicotine is hard. I had failed a few times before but I knew this time would be different. My whole being was on board to succeed and my brother was just that little extra to have to make it to the finish line. 

There’s lots of info on smoking out there but what I want to share is how much smoking is mental. Nicotine is fully cleared from your system in 5 days. The first week is the hardest with cravings because of this but after those 5 days is not physical any longer. Just understanding this fact can go a long way. 

After that first week don’t let your brain blame it on your body. You are now just working on those habits or even addictions that are ruled by your brain. It’s a mental challenge at this point, one that’s winnable if you can stay the course. Keeping your hands busy helps as you need to break that hand to mouth. Avoiding place where you tend to smoke will help in the beginning. Using those place later to show yourself you can revisit work well. 

I used a nicotine patch the first 2 weeks to help me get thru the cravings and grouchiness at work especially. It took me almost 3 weeks to get to no cigs, no patch, but I did it. Twenty one years clean of nicotine this January. I have never picked up a cigarette since the. I used to still get cravings at times but when I would look around it was usually a situation that I had previously smoked and my brain was just remembering and letting me know. It’s been a while since I’ve had any but it reminds me of how powerful habits and addictions are ingrained in my brain. 

I am proud of my accomplishment of ridding myself of tobacco and nicotine. I am trying to give myself credit for all that work and how it still shows up and keeps me from going back. My brother was also proud of me and happy for me that I was able to quit. I’m glad he was here to see me succeed. I miss him so much. 

Of course this doesn’t mean I don’t have any other habits and addictions and January shit. Depression brain always picks out the worst shit, I am choosing to remember this win in my life today.

Have you been able to overcome anything similar in your life? 

PS: I had no idea cigarettes cost $10 plus a pack. Wow. So glad to not have that expense any longer. Spend it on other habits LOL. 

ISO Day 14. I have maybe had a total of 30 minutes of actual in person connection and a couple hours of text chat in these last two weeks. Heal in connection. Not today. Not this person. No more hurt allowed in. Still alone. Hurting. Trying. That’s all I can ask of myself for today. 

Full Wolf Moon Monday

1.13.25