Does it Matter?

Does It? 

I woke up this morning with all those shadows of mine running free. Their voices are loud as we come upon the anniversary of their existence. Their quest to destroy me is fierce as they still believe it’s helpful. At times I have no defense as they speak their truth, my truths.

These parts of me, tortured for all these years. Worthless. Unloveable. Undeserving. Monster. Fat. Ugly. Stupid. Lazy. Uncaring. Selfish. Never good enough. Just a few of my daily internal conversations. 

I get so tired of the battles but they don’t shut off these parts of me. They are so strong right now and these are the times I am at my weakest and most vulnerable. How far will I go to make it stop? Trying my best to hold on.

Does it really matter if I don’t wake up tomorrow. A snowflake falling on a sunny day, unseen by anyone. It only matters to me that I know it will end my pain. Worthless. The Temptress. Evil seduction. 

ISO Day 23 Me. Myself. Worthless. Alone. Stuck. Heavy. Jumping on or off the Brain train. Depression Brain. Trauma Brain. 

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