What looked to be a promising week just didn’t end up that way. After 18 months of delays this was the week I was finally going to start some treatments with pain management to begin working on my mobility. That happened at the beginning of the week and yes finally a positive step for my health. Unfortunately at the same time there has been a set back in my healing from surgery.
Monday brought with it the beginning of issues with my incision. It is coming apart…dehiscence is the medical term. Several spots. One area is deep. Started out small and has grown 4x bigger. Had part of it debrided, cleaned, by my PC. Just makes my heart sink thinking about it all. Hoping beyond it all that it doesn’t get infected. No one wants complications but it’s not something I can control.
That’s just it. I will beat myself up wondering what could I have done different? I will blame myself. Did I lift or do too much? Could I have bandaged it better? It’s probably not totally my fault but my mind automatically goes there. I shouldn’t be surprised as I certainly am not a very healthy being right now. My body or my mind. Of course they go together. 23 days post op and my tissues are still not strong. It’s another reminder of how I have failed myself. Not a very good job care taking. Not reaching out for help.
Ugh. A couple good cries this week for sure. Hard to stay away from those thoughts of what’s the point and why bother. I will try to keep my expectations low this week. I am trying hard not to get overloaded.
10-24-21
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