I miss my brother so much. He died in 2004. 17 years have passed and in my mind it’s just like it was yesterday. His death was so hard. Watching him trying to fight his cancer and treatments that ultimately killed him. Never once did I imagine he wouldn’t make it. It was so shocking. Unimaginable. But here I was being the “strong” one again. Taking care of what was left. Caring for everyone but me. 

He was my best friend. My big brother. The only one who reached out to me when I called home after 3 years of silence. That small act was the beginning of a wonderful relationship with my brother. He visited me on his vacations. We had some awesome times…none more fun than the one now depicted as a full leg tattoo. He eventually bought his first house and moved here with his husband. I loaded up my dogs every Sat and headed to his house. We would spend time in the pool and spa to catch up for the week, play with my dogs and then barbecue for dinner before I’d head back home. 

I never doubted my brother loved me. We talked about everything. He knew ALL about me and never once judged. He never made me feel bad about mistakes but instead would help me figure out how to be better next time. He called to check in. He watched games/scores not just of his teams but mine too so he could discuss them with me. I knew he cared and always had my best interests at heart. Watching him with others and hearing from them he made everyone feel special because he truly cared. There’s so much more I could say but know he was the kind of guy most everyone wants to be around. 

Then just like that he was gone. It hurt so deeply. How do you replace your brother and best friend. You don’t. I’ve tried. 

And now when I think to myself what would Jeff do, I can’t hear the answer. I miss you so much. Can you hear my tears?

12-26-21