Today is hard. So much has changed. When I think back to my diagnosis and then my visit to my surgeon I was so sure of myself and what path I wanted to take. But then more knowledge flooded my mind and I knew I was wrong.

So much time to digest all the scenarios of how life was going to be  for me. So I changed my mind and went a new direction. Everything was telling me to have a mastectomy. Screaming it. Was I crazy or irrational for this new choice?

I need to fix me now. When you’re older you don’t think about 5-10 years down the road. The quality of my life needs to change in the present. Other health issues need to be addressed too. This cancer just showed up and added to my list. I knew I wouldn’t do the radiation that was required. I would worry about the cancer returning. I didn’t want to wait those weeks and delay working on my mobility. 

So last week I had the mastectomy. My breast is all gone. It’s been hard managing by myself. The discomfort and pain has been much more than I expected. The drains are not easy to manage in the chosen location. Normal daily activities have been a struggle. 

Today was hard. I’ll just go to bed and start again tomorrow. 

10-5-21