Are You an Empath

 Are You an Empath?

Empath. It’s one of those buzz words out there like mindfulness. Do people really understand what that is? When I hear someone claim they’re an empath I run as far as I can get. I finally figured why.

Awhile back I read Martha Sweezy’s book IFS for Shame and Guilt. There was a paragraph early in the book the really stood out for me. She was talking about empathy vs compassion. A small study was done with people in a MRI scanner. They scanned the brain while giving and receiving empathy and then also compassion. What they found was empathy created pain pathways, where as compassion created reward pathways. This made so much sense to me.

A prime example for me happened in a group I was in and I see exactly why I hate sharing in groups. Why I disagree that you must have connection to heal. I was sharing something personal about my health which I rarely do. One of the group members got upset to the point they were crying. When asked they responded they felt bad for me being alone for the holidays and struggling on my own with no real help. This upset me and is exactly why I don’t like to share in a group. I do not want to be responsible for others getting upset like that. I do not want to share my pain with you, the empath because what you do is make it painful for me. I’m sure my pain pathways were lit up like New York at Christmas. Common humanity my ass. This reaction of empathy comes across for me as selfish and narcissistic because I had to stop sharing to calm and comfort this other person. That was the end of my sharing which left me with no feedback other than the upset crying person. And now I won’t share again in that group . PS: No one felt bad enough to email or text to check in. 

Being an empath is not a badge anyone should be proud of. The only person it really serves is you. It’s not about the other person. True narcissist will never get compassion but I don’t think all who claim empathy are narcissists. People would be better served if more people understood compassion. It’s so much different and it’s what’s needed most for people who are truly hurting. 

Searching for compassion. I have none for myself and not sure where to get some from others right now.  Fuck empathy.

12.26.24

PS: I wanted to update and add to this post. I have recently noticed that empathy is what’s talked about in psychology classes. They encourage student therapist to learn empathy. I read an article about how to be a better therapist. Step 3 was learn empathy so you can connect with your clients. Wow. I hope Kristen Neff and Chris Germer can change peoples minds about how much damage empathy can do and how much better compassion is. Please start teaching compassion to those therapists. Clients will reap the benefits

12.29.24