Retirement

Happy Retirement WTF#*&K?

Retirement. Yahoo! Congrats! Enjoy! You deserve it! 

What the fuck???

Retirement has been one of the worst times in my life. That means here and now. I definitely was not prepared for this. I had no thoughts or plans in mind of what this meant for me. To describe it as quite the challenge is putting it mildly. 

People don’t understand why wouldn’t I enjoying being retired, free to do whatever I want. For me it’s hard to enjoy much when I’m going through the roller coaster of depression. I went from someone who always worked 60 plus hours a week to no schedule. That in itself was super disorientating for me. But not all bad. Of course ridding myself of  stress of the jobs I had was a huge benefit. But having too much time on my hands for me and my brain, Brain Train and Cog, can be challenging with overload. 

So now you say, find something to do? I’ve been stuck right there. What? I just talked about not knowing what lights me up. I’m not looking for a magic dust or a huge eureka of an idea, just something small. Again I am writing and that’s helpful, but this too can get me going in ways that’s aren’t so great. Sticky. Tricky. Picky? I’m allowed as an old lady!

Darkness prevails. I just can’t find a way to keep much light on….right now. 

 

It’s all still unknown for me and challenging managing and trying to figure it all out. Dr.GPD says don’t try harder, try softer and go slower. I’m still trying even when it’s all so hard to access. I try to remember there’s no time limit.

Retirement. This will certainly be an ongoing subject for me. For today that’s all. 

I’ll be back……it’s Friday the 13th tomorrow! 

12.12.24