Letting Go

 Letting Go

Letting go. I’ve been doing a lot more of this than I give myself credit for. It’s so needed in my life. I’ve been feeling at capacity for a while and I need to make room in most every area of my life. So I have been taking inventory of sorts to see what really still serves me. So much just hanging out from the past, taking up space without purpose. 

That’s been the key for me. Asking what purpose does it have in my life. What energy do I have or even want or spend on this. Do I want to use the space I have available for this. Some decisions have been easy. I’ve cleaned my social media of all people that showed me their true colors of hate this year. I may not be done yet. It was much easier than I imagined and not one person has said a word to me about being blocked. Apparently I’m getting rid of who needs to be gone. It’s been nice not seeing that garbage on my feeds. It’s surprised me how much softer and easier it is to be on social knowing the hate and vitriol isn’t going to appear.

The other thing for me about cleansing of people in my life is I have been learning a difficult lesson. That my perception of my relationship with someone is not always the same as theirs. I think I have a certain spot in someone’s life and then I find it’s just not the case. Apparently I insert myself into people’s lives in ways that don’t match up with their reality. It’s hard to find out your true”value” to others. I would guess this is where my lack of any kind of secure attachment in my life show’s up. That I have no clue how to read my relationship or for it be healthy. It’s hard to be wrong so many times. Hurtful. People equal pain. 

Letting go. Something that I will continue to work on. People is a good start. I’ll keep chipping away at the mental and physical clutter that cause hardship and distress. I will continue to remind myself it took many years to get this full. It will take time and patience to clear it out. 

Keep hanging on. Keep hanging in. Keep letting go. Keep trying until I can’t. 

12.8.24