Reality

 Reality

I have lived 65 plus years and I find myself here alone. It’s my reality. I’m really feeling it right now. I don’t see a way to change it and that’s problematic as I know it’s not sustainable. I physically can’t do it right now, let alone what’s all going in my brain. It’s a struggle that’s not getting better. What do I do? My MO. Just ignore and avoid. It will eventually force me into something. Not sure what that will be. 

Quazar the misfit. I don’t feel I belong. Unsafe around people and in most places. No where to go. Retreat. I’m not really hiding as no one is looking for me. In plain sight. Dark. Abyss. Void. 

Losing my 1 hour a week of co-regulation just piles on. I’m worried. 

More later 

12.15.24