Slow Down. Rest. Try Softer.

Dr. Glen Patrick Doyle thank-you for your posts. Today:

It does always take great “self-discipline” to push ourselves past exhaustion. 

The truth is, very often, pushing ourselves past exhaustion is exactly what our trauma conditioning wants us to do. 

We’ve been programmed to believe that rest is for “the weak.” 

We’ve been conditioned to believe that we can survive situations by closing ourselves off and just pushing though. And, in fairness, sometimes that kind of pattern really did get us through certain periods in our life. 

The real truth is, it takes enormous self-discipline to slow down. 

To try softer. 

“Trying harder” comes easy to us trauma survivors. Very many of us tend to be incredibly black and white creatures— we think that if we’re doing well, the solution can only be “try harder.” Go faster. Push, and push, and push. 

The reality is that sometimes it’s the pushing that’s f*cking us up. Holding us back. 

Sometimes going faster and harder restricts our access to information. Hard to appreciate and process information, especially nuanced information, if we’re constantly in go go go go go mode. 

Trauma responses push us to exhaust ourselves in many ways. “Fight” and “flight” in particular are classic was our nervous system tries to solve every problem with “try harder.” 

Yet, even as “try harder” is the only strategy our nervous system seems to know, we still very often wonder if we’re trying “hard enough.” Or whether the important people in our life truly believe we’re trying. 

If you’re reading this, know: I absolutely believe that you’re trying. 

In fact, I suspect you’re often trying a little, or a lot, too hard. 

It’s not just you. We all are. It’s a symptom that’s driven by trauma reflexes and conditioning. 

It’a a symptom we have to meet, as we meet all symptoms in trauma recovery, with compassion and patience…and the discipline to try something different, even if and when it feels awkward or threatening. 

Don’t try harder. Try softer. 

Slow down. 

Breathe. 

If you truly want to go fast, go slow. 

Just for today, try out embracing that particular paradox.

The problem is not, and has never been, that you’re not trying hard enough. 

No matter what “they” conditioned you to think and believe.

12.11.24